Saturday, July 11, 2009

28 Days Later


Sailing tomorrow, out of Seattle, the Infectious Disease Cruise Conference. Seven boisterous days of HIV, MRSA, Tuberculosis, Lyme, Clostridium and our current fave H1N1. Haz-Mat suit fashion show on Wednesday. Explosive coughing contest Thursday. TCG gets feverish just thinking about it. Be sure and pack plenty of anti-microbial soap and handwipes. And for pete's sake, try and stay out of confined spaces like, um, airplanes and cruise ships. No word yet on the city for the return docking.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

To Cornhole Or Not To Cornhole?


The first time TCG saw the game being played, it was instantly familiar: Bean Bag Toss. As a child, it was fun enough to occupy a half hour at a birthday party but not much more. Fast forward to adulthood and then some to find grown men and women whippin those bags towards the target and, behold, the phenomenon known as.....Cornhole? Exsqueeze me?


Described by Stephen Colbert as a "combination of horseshoes and sodomy," this new leisuretime pursuit is sweeping the nation. And by nation, I mean a demographic of undereducated, overfed, orthodonture-impaired, vermilion-necked yahoos located primarily in the former Confederate States of America. They giggled when they first said "cornhole" as a young tyke and, for them, the hilarity never ended. Indeed, the Cornhole lexicon is full of shit-yer-pants kneeslappin disambiguity: swish, back door, blocked hole, dirty bag/sanchez, gusher, police (u betcha), slider, lick side, etc. Pros can "hustle the hole." Players are known as, of course, Cornholers. Just ask Beavis or Butthead, I never knew which one was who.


Like so many of the major sports, Cornholing is experiencing growing pains. Chief among these is the fact that its very name conjures up images of Ned Beatty squealing as he is man-raped by Toothless Bugger #2 in Deliverance. But does the sport thrive because of or despite its name? A spokesman for the toy company that promotes its Cornhole products under the name Baggo puts it thusly, "What would you rather hear your child shout out when they score?" On the other hand, Delmas McCoon, president of the American Cornhole Association says, "Hey, it's just a name. Of course I know it's another word for anal. That's the beauty part. Guys come for the sex and stay for the game." Wheeee-doggies!



Sunday, July 5, 2009

You Had Me At Bacon.......


Fresh from the fertile mind of Katrina Markoff, chocolatier and owner of Vosges Haut-Chocolat, the unholy melding of sweet and savory, smoke and swine: Mo's Bacon Bar. How many billions of bong hits have drifted over the transom, wasted, before someone figured THIS out? Applewood smoked bacon and alderwood smoked salt covered in rich milk chocolate. If having his former son-in-law buried in the same hallowed ground isn't enough to bring Elvis back to life, this oughta do the trick.